#idk man I need somebody to use me until I break

[bittsandpieces]

how/where do you like to get slapped?

HARD IN THE FACE

[real-total-drama-takes]

im bored and kinda high so heres my opinion on all the reboot characters

caleb - is a character

axel - im just as gay for her as the next guy but there's no way in hell she's final two next season lol but i wanna hold hands w her

nichelle- yass girl give us nothing 🥰

scary girl - idc idc she was funny asf but i am glad she went early bc if she stayed any longer i wouldve hated her lol

damien - one of the best things to come from the reboot and yall are doing him a huge disservice shipping him w priya 🥴 that shit is so boring but honestly? there might be something there somebody's gotta make me a believer tho. CONVINCE ME

mk - as a bitter, annoying, sarcastic individual myself i could not stand this bitch omg 💀 her character has a ton going for it but all they did w her is make every single one of her lines sarcastic n shit and i was BORED

raj - dumb gay man i love him

wayne - dumb ace man i love him

ripper - bro just wasnt funy. i dont get why they make characters who just pride themselves in being nasty n shit kind of a waste of development idk

zee - we can all agree that he was great but he gives me early boot vibes for next season bc like if we're demanding development for all the first season early boots then he's just gonna be there ig. dumb can only get you so far yknow?

chase - him and emma both are such wasted potential like BREAK THE HETEROS UP OMG their relationship dragged the second half down so bad like chase is just bad for the sake of being bad. like he wasn't even funny either just a waste of space by the time he was gone 😭

emma - first i'll say im glad we got a plus sized girl w some fucking athletic ability beCause THEY EXIST yay happy but anyway she was so funy until she got back with chase and that whole shit w him throwing that challenge for pizza was so DUMB like she honestly thought he did that shit for her 💀 like she was CONVINCED bro the straight delusion was insane

julia - she was the bad bitch we all needed and deserved but i cannot sit here and let you mfs say that she played the game well bc she absolutely DID NOT. girlie had no actual strategy other than winning and thas not even a strategy. even her trying to "manipulate" chase that one time sucked too lmao. bro her goal was to get everyone to hate her and win out of spite that shit is so dumb but it's so her so idc we love her anyway

millie - there were so many times where i lowkey forget she existed lmfao i don't even dislike her it was just "oh yea she here too lol" but i gotta say it kinda feels like they used her as a scapegoat to make writing her outta the finale easier idk maybe it's just me. but her crying after bowie clowned her ass when she was eliminated was the funnies bit in the entire show i was giggling n shit bc she honestly did that to herself lmao rip

priya - people compare her to zoey and sky way too much honestly (its me, im people) but when you look at it we have a mary sue that was infuriating to watch , the same girl but olympic flavored whos existence i have to be reminded of every two months, and priya. priya is perfectly fine and she was a nice winner even if i knew she was gonna win the second she was onscreen lolZ but when she read millie's notebook and absolutely demolished her ego i was living. like girlie ate her up w absolutely no crumbs left idc

bowie (the real winner) - i was fully prepared and ready to hate this twink istg. like i was in my homophobic era and ready the second his name was called but omg i love him sm. he was the queen i never knew i needed in my life. and to all the mfs who say his gayness is his entire personally have never met an fem black man and it shows 💀 idc what anyone says he's the best writer character in the entire show 🤭 as much as i love him i cannot let his fit slide. the pearls can stay bc those were a serve but the pants??? THE FUCKING PANTS??? THOSE FUCKING FLOOD WARNING HIGH WATERS.?? why would they do him like that omg. fits like that are why we get hate crimed 😔

ok im done good luck to anyone who actually reads this lmao

.

[maygrcnt]

Let’s see the Olivia 911 song list

thank youuuuu for asking i love you!! i know i said five but i didn’t want to stop at five so i did ten. also im gonna try and refrain myself from just saying every song is a buck song but it’s hard

1. Brutal- seasons 1-3 May. I feel like we as a collective don’t talk about the early seasons of may grant enough. she was just a kid! and she was being bullied so bad she thought she didn’t have any way out of it, it’s so heartbreaking. and then she just kept going through stuff in her family life and… i just care for her so much and this is HER song fr.

2. Deja Vu- Buddie. there’s no like actual moment of buddie for deja vu but i just feel like this is what’s going through both of their heads every single time the other person has a date with someone else. like this is the one and only buddie jealousy song to me!

3. Vampire- Buck/abby. like i’m sorry you can’t convince me buck abby was an ethical relationship and im NOT talking about the age gap even though that’s the main point of this song. like she got his info in a sketchy way and then basically used him to help her heal until she was ready to move on but then didn’t even have the guts to do an actual breakup and left the kid hanging for months. call me a bitch but i feel very comfortable saying she sucked so much of his energy and life. it took two full seasons for him to fully find closure from that while she had started a whole new life! :/

4. Stranger- Buck/abby again lol. this is like the other side of that argument where it’s like, buck was totally crushed but now in season seven who the fuck cares about her! she’s just a stranger now! and the lyric “you are the best thing i keep so far out of my life” is very them. because she did change his outlook on life in MANY ways but his healing from her was the best thing he could have ever done.

5. logical & enough for you- maddie. my heart breaks listening to these songs from a maddie perspective. thinking about how long she suffered and dealt with so much she didn’t deserve,,, these are the best songs for her imo especially the lyric “one day i’ll be everything for somebody else” because she is she really is! and she’s getting married to the person who looks at her like she hung the moon and i love her!!!

6. Making the bed- eddie, specifically pre canon eddie. idk how to explain this one but it’s very much just the idea of him getting back to his son realizing how shit things are and being like … i had a part in making this problem and now i need to fix my shit. and then he did!

7. 1sf3sb- henren in the early seasons/precanon. the cheating storyline is one of my least favs but i love how they showed them rebuilding from it and coming back even stronger. but in the midst of it all this song is truly very them from karen’s perspective. she was valid for everything during that time btw karen is a literal saint for her patience.

8. boahsg- ravi, our little clumsy socially awkward darling

9. Love is embarrassing- Bisexual buck!!!!!! this is my fav liv song and it’s so buck it’s not even funny. the anthem for the give more than they get hopeless romantics oh god i love him and it became way way more buck when he kissed a man who’s kind of a loser. i bet he’s planning out his wedding with a guy he’s never marrying right now!

10. finally, the newest addition to my list and the most important in my mind: Scared of my guitar the most buddie song to ever buddie (other than good luck babe). I love this song so much coming from the perspective of them literally not being able to lie to each other but they can lie to significant others like it’s nothing. oh there’s so much good stuff in there it’s amazing.

thank you for letting me do this anon ily

[panini-in-television]

SEASON: 1 EPISODE: 1 PART: 2

SEPTEMBER, 22:00

After few hours the bar keep kicks Drew out.

Drew as a drunk mess tries to get back home but loses the track of the lamps he knew so much and goes to the alleyway to throw up behind a dumpster

?: Looook who is over here boys Drew with confused look, like he knows that voice, tries to get the glimps of who it is but out of nowhere WHAAM! A bat into his face breaking his nose in a instant, falling to the floor screaming. ?: Oh come on guys! Give him at least a chance, let him get up Somebody picks him up by his arm and drags him to the wall letting him get up on his own, when he gets up he whipes his face with his own sleeve and looks at the people that attacked him. He sees the mafia people, the fat guy that probably has them under his arms, 2 normal people and a giant muscle guy, prepared to destroy him in a instance. The mafia boss: Look, we can do this easy or we can do this in the most horrible way possible for you, let us beat the shit out of you or you can whimper and scream as much as you would like Drew tries to talk: Shut up you dumb fuckein din- He falls down with heavy breath and tries to get up again but his legs feel like they were broken, he tries with arms but those feel like they are from paper, nothing he does helps him, nothing...

The mafia boss: Oh come on Drewy, we gave you a chance, boys, i am going to the dinner, deal with him as you like, i dont really care.

As he lays there, in the dark, cold alleyway, trying and trying to get up the 3 mafia CUNTS get closer and closer until one of them kicks him in the guts, making him cough blood, another guy kicks him aswell and so does the third one, they just keep kicking...

Something speaks to him, something dark, something with a lot of... harm in its voice: Drew, i know you want them to stop, i know you want to take their own hands and put it inside their heads, I KNOW YOU WANT TO KILL THEM ALL!! GIVE IN! GIVE ME YOUR HAN-

Out of nowhere there is a voice that was heard by Drew before once: leave him. The big guy: What? who the hell are y-

OUT OF NOWHERE his WHOLE hand has been cut of like piece of bread with laser, he notices and screams out loud but right when hes screams he notices he has a blade in his chest right where his lungs are, that guy standing in front him notices the blade too late and falls to the side and the other guy looks at the man when out of nowhere he is right in front of him.

?: I wont tell you again. He jumps back to the corner and is begging on his knees to not be killed ?: Leave, and if you try to hurt him again, i will find you all and end you myself.

They got up and left with shit in between their legs.

?: Hey, you okay? come on get up, let me help you up, do you have anywhere to go close by? we need to get you somewhere warm! ----------------------------------

TO BE CONTINUE Well i hope you enjoyed this part of the story, next part should be out around April or May Why? Because i got some stuff i gotta do before i can return so this might take so long but if i will have the energy or the will power i will be back soooner.

Until then, see ya all and idk, gimme chocolate i guess?

[trenchcoatsbi]

Racer IS my guy fr!!! He's my silly idiot who can't say the word 'oyster' ans I love him so so so much!!!!

I'm hoping and praying that one day I'll at least meet a Racer. If nothing else then I want somebody simluar to my friend to torment /silly

like all my other friends I wouldn't torment. besides maybe Hels. but he was basically my nephew so- However the shared love laungagw of the newsises was a) violence and b) physical contact. I need to make a friend I can just drop by for the sole reason of starting shit. Please its good for my health-

Uh anyways. I will not be over Racer for a while :D

Hope you're doing good Phil! I'll probably send in another ask at some point, just to share a project i'm planning in Minecraft, but until then I wanna hear how you're doing :D - Voidling Anon

haha yeah I get that! My mumbo lives walking distance from me (or uh they live walkin distance from my house they're further away rn cause we go to different colleges) and I did not do it often, but being able to just go over and text them like "hey bro let me into your house rn" so i could go be annoying was so nice sajkfhl rahggh i almost miss them now (no one tell my friends but like god i love them so much...)

anyway i've been chilling? not chilling but I've been getting into some other media because i've decided I don't want to just be the mcyt guy in my friend group. Unfortunately in doing that I've somehow ended up being the vtuber guy & the one crying about video characters every other day (IN MY DEFENSE IN STARS AND TIME IS SO GOOD THAT I CAN'T HELP IT) but ehhh they'll get used to my new rants eventually.

uhhh most of what I do now is just like school work, hanging out with my roommate. and trying to work up the courage to make friends with my second roommate. She's cool and we like vibe but she's like really cool and responsible and I'm honestly just slacking in comparison to her so I just try and stay outta her way haha... So yeah it's mostly just like hanging around the dorm room or going on walks for me! I've also been watching anime with the roommate i'm buddy-buddy with already! wasn't much into anime or manga before but all my friends are slowly dragging me into it with them finally lmao

Other than that uhmmm I've been working on art for my art blog again recently! kinda lost motivation to do that when I was mainly doing requests, but we're so back babey! I posted there for the first time in like a month so that's nice :]! I'm trying to figure out what I'm doin over there cause tbh uhhh idk I'm just between a lot of things rn and I don't know if I want to keep the blog like it's been or if I wanna change things up.

idk I'm just goin with the flow for now but i do have work to do too yknow? i've bumbled my way into being the serious business guy (geez im so many guys... i wear so many hats) in most friend/social groups I'm in so even though I'm a massive goober who's usually goofing around I'm the one who deals with serious stuff and uh I can't take a break from that ever sooo... it's like vibing with a side of having to but on my business man pants every now and then to keep things functional haha

[berryunho]

i’m sorry but WHAT.IS.THIS FICCCCC AAAAHHHHH. everything about it is so ugh and agh and oooohhh and huh. pls lauren, author-nim i’m ITCHING IN MY SLEEP to read the next chapter. the gore, the eerie atmosphere, the love quarrels, the death and manipulation. I FUCKING LIVEEEEE. ngl it took me like 2-3 nights to read all of this and now my sleep schedule is ✨nonexistent✨ but like it’s so worth it. the way i was glaring throughout most of it i— it took me a couple of pauses to not dash my precious communication device across my room but now i’m just intoxicated. i love the way i couldn’t totally guess what was going on cuz mc wouldn’t read the part of the ANSWER that has to do with her and nobody told her until woo gave her the gist of it. i just want mc to use her favouritism to at least taunt hwa a little like “i know your mans wants me over your lame ass” ya know? anyways rip Haseul she a real one but Mingi!!! wait wait real it back cuz the Choosing ceremony oh lawdddd the way i wanted to reach across the table and stick a fork in HJ’s neck!! rah and when they drugged the fuck outta her and— look. you’re an amazing writer even though mc made me want to question how slow ppl can be cuz hellooooo are we colourblind?? don’t you see these fucking flaring red flags??? now mingi??? after Haseul’s incident… he is dead to me! period point blank! i wanted mc to just turn to him and spit those words but ofc that wouldn’t happen in this CIRCUS. now San… i’m biased cuz he my hubby but i really don’t have any objections. again cuz i’m San biased. i love the level of crazy, ambitious, manipulative and also sorta deranged his character has like i personally wouldn’t mind cuz low-key that’s rizz to me. jongho. he… has composureeee. i just want to see him snap fr can’t lie. not a tiny bit but pure “all i see is red” type of shit, you get me? hwa can die in a ditch atp i don’t really care. and i just want to snuff joongie in his sleep. now in terms of relationships, matz… yeah respectfully i’m exiting left cuz man i just can’t. partially cuz i can’t see joongie in any other light but cute. however coma, with the way you’re describing his sizzling touch and haunting smiles i think that my skin could crawl inside out in itself. uh huh pennywise could neverrrr. mc and mingi, idk wagwan but all i can say is that mingi is beyond not okay atp like… bipolar doesn’t even cover it a third of it pls. i honestly cannot deal with the barn scene cuz i would have walked tf out. it’s literally joongie’s personality ctl + c, ctl + v but with emotions and whatever soundness there is left. now… i can see mingi dying. oops sorry not sorry cuz have you seen the way man is moving. in my mind i see it as: the more you weaver in my eyes (in terms of keeping yo shit in check), the closer to death you are. so don’t come rock my shit plssss ty. mc and san… sigh… like somebody said ain’t no way this relationship is going anywhere and i agree cuz… side eye. woo snapping at mc had my somewhat excited bones jiggling so pls author-nim i need woo to break composure again pls. now yeo and yuyu… i want them to come and catch me off guard pls. this is toxic but i want issues left and right. NO SLEEP, JUST STRESS. yessir. in terms of the sexual scenes, i’m going to go back to hwa and mc getting off on hatred towards each other but author-nim~ i want hwa to have drastic mood swings while railing her into Universe One pls😭 and i want joongie to catch them or at least watch part of it. also, san needs to learn how to pull out cuz oral ain’t gonna cut it for very long. tokens of appreciation, joongie being vulnerable at times, hwa’s calling mc ‘sweetie’ all the time, mingi showing emotion once he crosses a line with mc, san being super protective and sweet of mc, woo’s bright self cuz i can actually hear him being like that. yeo henchman purrr and jongho buff self yasss. also yuyu just being there hehe. OTHER THAN my murderous thoughts towards most of these fictional personas, i’m STOCKED to read chpt 30!!! and ily unconditionally for making this masterpiece 😘😘😘😘😘

THIS ASK ADLSFKASDLFKJSFKJFS THIS IS SO CRAZY !!!! THANK YOUUUUU !!!! KLJFD;KASJDF i litcherally dont even know what to say aside from thank you sm for reading and sharing your thoughts lkajflkajsdfk this is so insightful to me as a writer like knowing what sticks out to you is so interesting and really helps me figure out what im good at accentuating and LKAJSDFLKASDJF yes just thank you very much ily mwah

[dahliasanddimples]

Hi :)

It’s June 13, 2024 and guess what.. I am STILLLLL dealing with this fucking man. Like how sway how?? I could cry and idk why. The pits of my stomach, it doesn’t hurt there anymore. It kind of just hurts in my heart? From my memories. Mainly bc it’s so up and down like I miss you and I think about all of our good times and fun times and I miss you mainly bc I’m bored now and I wanna be outside and then I think back to all of our arguments and how bad they got and how you gaslit me every time kicked me in the chest and how scared I felt when you hit angry bc you really were probably capable of hurting a woman. And you are bc you’ve told me so why wouldn’t I think that you wouldn’t hurt me bc you would. And I’m just here. Writing. AGAIN the same fucking thing that I’ve been writing about… for a year now. Same time frame. So why do I think this time it’s different? Bc I want it to be, bc I need it to be. Bc I don’t think mentally I could’ve stayed with you. And now I’m crying bc I fucking miss you for no fucking reason!!!! Sometimes I just wanna get lost sometimes I just wanna sit in the grass under a tree with no one around me. I never felt safe with you. Why why why why why WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY was I and still am drawn to you. Why, as I’m writing this, I’m crying about you? Why, even after a year, nothing has changed. And why, am I still here writing about the same thing. Hoping things change. Hoping you’d change. Grasping onto the only thing that’s probably keeping you on my mind. Which is two memories. Two memories of you and I. Even your birthday was a disaster.

Today marks my one month with my new job.

Today marks 2 months and 13 days that I broke up with you. And days used to just go by, one week then three weeks then it’s a new month. And now, now the months are dragging. I’ve never experienced a full day until our break up. Just you on my mind. When I wake up. Throughout the day. When I’m drunk. And especially before I go to sleep. And I know it’ll get better and I know it will bc I was here with my first ex. And one day, it just gets better. One day, it doesn’t even feel like you’re sad. One day you’re not even thinking about them anymore. You don’t even care to stalk their socials. One day, they just stop crossing your mind. And I wonder how long that will take this time. Apparently, last time it only lasted a little over two months and then we got back together lol I hate that really. This time I’m committed. This time I’m not coming back.

I need to stop day dreaming about texting you, about hanging out with you. I need to stop thinking that maybe we can hangout on your birthday. I need to stop day dreaming about us in any way. I wanna stop day dreaming about a future with you. I wanna stop day dreaming about my future and seeing you there bc I fucking hate you. Bc you’re not a good person. Bc someone like you deserves somebody just like you. Someone like you deserves someone who is not loyal, plays in your face and keeps you worried about their whereabouts. Someone like you doesn’t deserve peace. I go back and forth about texting you on your birthday. And today, I have a whole month to decide. I shouldn’t and a part of me only wants to do it bc I STILL want you to have a good birthday. Even after all the bullshit you put me through, how do I still even think about making you happy? How do I still care about you

Even after all the shit you put me through, I still definitely believe in such a deep intense love. Even after you, I know I’ll find my person. I just wonder, why you? Why me. The feeling in my stomach is coming back and I think it’s bc I wanna cry bc I’m so frustrated IM SO FRSTRATED IM SO FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no one knows!!! Bc how could they? How could they when I still go out and I still show up. How could they? How could they know that even tho it’s happened before I’m still so fucking hurt. How could they know that even if I’m getting up everyday I’m still fucking hurt. That I still have these moments where I’m crying about you. FOR WHAT FUCKING REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The frustration of not being able to type and express how u feel it’s in my fingertips and yet rheee exclamation points don’t do any justice. I feel rage but it’s quiet. It’s in my fingertips but at least not in my heart. Just in my chest. Just in my soul. And everyday I tell myself I can’t fucking wait to just get the fuck over you. And I know karma is real and I’m just wondering when you’ll get yours. And I KNOW KARMA IS REAL AND I HOPE WITH MY ENTIRE SOUL THAT YOU FEEL WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME TIMES 500 times everything times infinity bc you are not a good person. And I know it’s for a reason. You’re a fucking cheater and you don’t deserve true love. You don’t deserve anyone genuine. You don’t deserve happiness. You don’t deserve to feel what genuine people can give you. You don’t deserve genuine connections bc you’re not genuine yourself. I hope the coke fucks you up so bad your diq just doesn’t even get hard anymore. I hope you start balding faster and I hope no I wish and I wish and I wish your hairlike recedes so far back that it’s noticeable and that you’re insecure about it. I hope you never feel like a man again. I wish, with everything in me, that you never feel like a man again. I hope you’re filled with insecurities from how you look, how you talk, I hope you feel like everyone looks down on you. I hope everybody sees you for who you are. I wish upon you only bad aura, when you step into a room I want people instantly put off by you. I want them to feel how bad of an energy you are. Worse than a rain cloud above you. I want them to feel uneasy. Like you’re a fucking LOSER. A skinny fucking drug addicted LOSER A fucking twig a fucking IDIOT who’s an addict. I want them to see you and pity you. I want everyone who’s never known you to see you like that one annoying friend who’s just there bc their friend got invited. I want you to feel so small around any man you’re next to. Any man. I want you to feel insecure bc even tho they’re shorter they have more swag. They have more game. YOU can feel it and I want them to look at you, and think, what a fucking LOSER. And I want you to know that. You are a fucking loser. You are fucking ugly. I want you to know that you are fucking ugly, you are fucking skinny, you are fucking balding and your hairline is receding and lastly, I want you to feel less than a man bc your dick does not work. I want you to feed your ego and right when you have a little pick me up, I want you to get sad bc you know you can’t get hard ♥️

I never want you to feel a genuine connection with another human being for as long as you live. I want you to feel distant from your closest friends. I want you to feel like a fucking loser tagging along. I want everyone to just look at your with disgust bc you are nothing but bad energy. I want you suck the energy out of a room just by walking in it. And when people feel that energy they just all walk away from you. And then I want you to miss me, and realize that I was really the one who made you feel like that man, I want you to miss me so much that you black out and just annoy everyone with how slow you talk. I want you to embarrass yourself. I want you feel it in your stomach, to your throat and then in your heart, that you really lost the best person you’ll ever have, in your entire life. I want you to zone out and just stare at everyone flirting, having fun, being cute, and I want you to see my face, in everyone you look at, I want you to see my smile and see my laugh and see me and my energy, and I want you to feel it in your stomach, in your gut, in YOUR SOUL, that this feeling and this forever feeling, is only the start of your karma. I want you to see me in every women that you look at. And I want you to suffer. I want your gut wrenching with longing, for me.

And I hope you have bad luck for everyday that you did me dirty and played in my face. I want you have a bad day for everyday you thought about playing in my face. And I want you to have the worse days on days that are supposed to be your best days.

And on your birthday, I want everyone to ask you where I am just to remind you that I left you. And I want you to feel abandoned. I want you to feel that your entire life is by yourself, and no one to grow old with. And on your birthday, I want you to feel so tiny and so little and so minuscule, that even with everyone around you, you still have the worse fucking day of your life. And I want you to feel like it will only get worse 🫶🏽

And for you my dear sir, I only wish the worse for you, and that you feel it in your soul ✨

[finsterhund]

I just don't fucking know man.

I guess "respect for the source material" is what I wish more people had for Heart of Darkness? The more and more time progresses the more it feels like I'm the only person who actually loves this game for what it is and what it's trying to do. So many other people just clearly want it to be something else and because it's such an important thing to me that is absolutely infuriating.

In the past there used to be more fans who were in live with the game akin to the way I am. Lili, Shynox, who are long gone now and I miss them. Fishy too was a lot more actively writing. Life hits hard. I myself have not created anything constructive or transformative or artistic in fucking years. Miserable.

I think back about how somebody refered to me as a "fandom of one" and yeah. That's what it feels like. That I'm alone. Or almost alone. Insert "American chestnut tree root stump metaphor" or whatever stupid fucking shit here.

Thinking now with the clairvoyance and functionality of my brain at 2AM a big factor I think for my mental collapse and loss of passion for things was that I had the entire year I was grieving Cazza this one guy who would not stop bothering and pestering and annoying me with shitty HoD ideas and they went as far as to repeatedly violate my personal space and do things that were a potential danger to themselves and others even though I repeatedly told them not to. How that quickly sapped away the energy I have for my loves and my passions. How I'm trying to take time to grieve the greatest thing in my life being torn from me and I'm getting someone shitting on my favourite thing in the universe that I should have been able to fall back on for support.

I'm still always going to be the biggest fan of heart of darkness. Uncontested. The power of my extremely obsessive brain will see to that. Nobody will love this game as much as I do, or the way that I do. But I'm just a husk of how I used to be.

I miss being active online with my friends. But I struggle to be there and present. Our new TTRPG was put on indefinite hiatus and things are a struggle for much of them as well. Nobody can fucking win in this world it seems.

It's about a week until my birthday and then a little over a week after that it'll be the anniversary of Cazza's death. I don't think I'm going to be strong enough to make it.

My roommate's evidently had a serious mental break so for the past month just about I've been the only pillar in this household. Despite how I'm falling apart and deteriorating I'm forced to be the glue that's the only thing that keeps this whole operation together. I think maybe t reason I haven't just gone and killed myself is the pressure of knowing that nothing will sustain itself in my absense here. It's a weight and a burden. It is not a comfort. In the end my roommate wanting to sit and lie on my bed just to be close with me things like that chip away at my sense of space. I don't want to hurt him but you know how territorial I get. How much I need for my space to be mine. Stuff like this. Little things that over time wear down what walls I do have to support myself.

I'm not saying I'm going to kill myself or anything. But I'm really fucking struggling here.

I think ultimately I am lonely? I know I've regressed back into a lot of aspects of my toddler years. I've been yearning for my grandparents more blatantly again. It's like they say where when you're dying your life flashes before your eyes.

Idk. I know there's people who care about me in my life. That I should feel loved. But it's hard sometimes.

I just wish there were people who loved HoD like I do. That I had a community and a family. Not that we were all separated by distance, borders, financial constraints of capitalism.

Sometimes I just hate being alive.

[kursed-curtain]

My tags cut off but just, I loved this so very very much. Well anticipated, beloved chapter. I will now think about Odds way too hard dearly sorry <33

Title: and icarus fell

Part: 5/16+

Fandom: King’s Quest

Rating: T

Overall Fic Warnings: bruises, blood, non-consensual drug use, fighting rings, forced to fight, loss of self, physical abuse, attempted murder, kidnapping. Chapter specific warnings may be added.

[Also on AO3]

~=~

Keep reading

[um-talia]

Rating The Moon Signs

omg I’ve seen many people do this and I love talking shit so imma piggy back off of em. (This is based off of my personal experiences ofc 🕺🏽)

🐑 Aries Moon : So the people I’ve met with this placement were giving very much attention whores. Like I don’t understand as to why y’all feel the need to be so impulsive but it’s kinda hot ngl. My Aries Mars rocks with y’all heavy but can we chill with the 5 second tantrums ?? 👩🏽‍🦯 but I love y’all passion don’t get me wrong. These natives who I met online were usually the hot headed trollers or the ones who would repeat the same jokes to roast people 💀💀 My Rating: 6.5, do better ❤️

🐑 Taurus Moon : All the Taurus Moons I know do drugs heavily and just involve themselves in deadpan humor. Y’all so pretty with a hint of funny looking tho. Just stroke their egos for a good 2 days and show some sort of consistency and then they’ll wanna fuck fasho. omg and please tell me why y’all get so bland outta nowhere, the type to stay on the phone and just enjoy your presence. My Rating : 8, imma give u neck kisses

🐑 Gemini Moon : Another well known druggy in my life. Imma just need y’all to get it together and FIGURE IT OUT. Too much is going on in y’all minds and it’s such a beautiful yet annoying thing. I noticed people with this placement depend on others to just make the decision for them but then they disregard the decision that they asked for. The true definition of scatterbrained but y’all cute as shit and I understand why y’all depend on weed now. They’re the type to ask questions about “Determinism Vs. Free Will” outta nowhere 🤦🏽‍♀️ My Rating : 5.2, im usually the erratic one stop stealing my role 😔

🐑 Cancer Moon : I don’t know many cancer moons but the ones that I have came in contact with were kinda cringey. Their humor was really ruthless to the point where they could get scrutinized for any joke, like they mainly joked for the shock factor. They weren’t into drugs ): but they were very loving when they needed to be. My advice is try and read the room love ! My Rating : 6.4, semi good foreplay

🐑 Leo Moon : Omg this isnt a cute placement because usually I get in arguments with people with this placement. y’all are cute ig? I sense a lot of fake appraisal from this sign just to be accepted but if you rub them the wrong way or call them out on something, it’s done for you. like at this point should i intentionally bruise y’all egos?? My Rating: 3.6, gg

🐑 Virgo Moon : I’ve fell in love with every man that had this placement 🧎🏽‍♀️. And the women? Y’all remind me of my mom like 🥺. I love how y’all pay attention to detail and y’all minds remind me of like office cabinets !! Y’all keep files and receipts which is beautiful for talking shit and exposing enemies !!! I knew one virgo moon and he genuinely enjoyed watching history videos in his free time like that’s so hot ??? Very well rounded individuals and can literally talk about anything 🏄🏽‍♀️ My Rating: 9.2, y’all break my heart tho :(

🐑 Libra Moon : See this is a tricky placement because it’s such a neutral placement for me and all the other placements effects it so here’s how imma break it down. If you have water/air in the big 3 with this placement its giving very much pushover. Like the people I’ve met with that combo are really good at like seeing different perspectives but they’re kinda bad at setting boundaries with people so they’re viewed as fake. But the earth/fire with libra moon is kinda 🥴, great conversationalist and really down with anything. But y’all are pretty :D My Rating: 7.5/10, inconsistent passive aggression

🐑 Scorpio Moon: First off, I want to say that I love us :) . But let’s not act like we’re some uncommunicative bitches. Like I get it, you need an outlet to express your feelings and it can be from drugs, art, to pyromania, who tf knows? Most of the Scorpio moons I know cry about being sad and wanting dick. I do too !! Sorry about your mom being emotionally unavailable or judgmental. Get a therapist or a boyfriend who just listens that can serve you some above average dick. Oh and y’all pretty on some intimidation shit 🙈 My Rating: 9.9/10, P.S. ur still in your emo phase

🐑 Sagittarius Moon: ummmm, this is kinda awkward because my sister had this placement and she’s so sensitive 🧎🏽‍♀️. Like from the men I’ve seen with this placement they’re always hopping onto the next thing to entertain them, similar traits with Aries Moon but like a slight more pretentious. All the sag moons ik are like really into underground “designer” brands (ik it’s a contradiction but iykyk). All I have to say is, you’re okay? and stop being so selfish like ): My Rating: 4/10, ur not the next socrates

🐑 Capricorn Moon: Beautiful Bodies. But y’all are kinda mean 😔. I appreciate the bluntness and how y’all say what comes to y’all mind. Y’all love bidding (dc slang for roasting) and can really fry somebody up. y’all tend to be really emotionally independent and i admire that but at the same time do you need a hug??? really good friends but broke majority of the time because they spent their money on drugs or off brand shoes. My Rating: 8/10, u make my heart giggle

🐑 Aquarius Moon: I’ve mainly met these people online fr and they’re the ones who keep dishing out memes without missing. Whenever I come in contact with one they flirt like there’s no tomorrow but then lose interest because their standards are 📈. They usually use humor/memes to showcase their emotions which is cute until the memes become gorey or wild as hell. Have problems with communicating but they’re good people to talk to on the surface level for me. My Rating: 6/10, get off tiktok and develop a personality (im kiddinggg)

Pisces Moon: y’all remind me of symphonies, who keeps playing y’all? haven’t met many but the ones I’ve met are the type to cry in History because they lost track ): . I wanna nurture y’all just gimme the chance . The aesthetics y’all have fluctuates from grunge to fairy core and I love the fluidity. btw stop stealing my music taste and let’s hotbox🧎🏽‍♀️ My Rating: 8/10, make a song about fairy tales idk girl

Thanks for reading this shit post 🤍🪴

[ifmywishescametrue]

i don't know if you're still taking prompts (so please ignore this if you aren't) but i cant stop thinking about your recent buckytony fic (and how much i love breaking up and making up as a trope) - so i was wondering if you'd be up for doing smth else w that trope for buckytony?? maybe they re-unite at a mutual friend's wedding?? and it brings up emotions about their almost wedding?? idk i just really love breaking up and making up as a trope and i really love your writing :))

thank you!! I'm very much up for doing another buckytony break up/make up, plus you deserve nice things for finishing law school - congrats on that!🎉🎉hope you like this one 😊

There's a ring on Bucky's finger.

It's the first thing Tony notices when he walks into the bar for Natasha and Sharon's joint bachelorette party. He stands there in the doorway, frozen and staring until someone clears their throat pointedly behind him, and he mumbles an apology as he moves out of the way.

He thinks about turning around and not coming back, just ditching the event entirely and maybe even the wedding tomorrow, but he tosses the ridiculous thought the second it comes. He promised Sharon when she asked him to be her man of honor that he could handle Bucky being Nat's. Living on the other side of the country afforded him to miss the rest of the events and planning along the way, and he could deal with one day of being cordial to his ex, even if the day comes with walking down an aisle together.

But now there's a ring on Bucky's finger.

The silver catches the light, and it's on prominent display with his left hand wrapped around a beer bottle. It shouldn't be possible for him to have moved on that quickly. Eight months shouldn't be long enough to bury three years of memories. Three years of hopes and dreams and plans for a future built together. Years of love so blindingly intense that it burrowed into Tony's soul to make a home and refused to be evicted just because it was supposed to be over.

Tony wonders what the timeline is. Did he find someone new while Tony was still just beginning to pick up his own scattered pieces? A first date for him while Tony was barely getting out of bed. When was it that he replaced Tony as the last person to have his heart? And how did he find forever in someone else so soon after losing the one he used to call his soulmate?

Natasha notices him first, still hovering near the entrance, and she raises a single eyebrow that calls him a coward. He rolls his eyes at the accusation, though it's accurate. She elbows Sharon to catch her attention, and before he knows it the entire small group is turning their heads his way, giving him no choice but to join them.

It's less bachelorette party and more pre-wedding celebration with the crowd they've gathered, all mutual friends of both brides with no regards for gender traditions that usually come with this night. Tony used to fit in well with them all, back when gatherings like this were just a typical Friday night. But he made himself an outsider between the move to California and the breakup with Bucky. All he has now with most of them is a dead group chat that hasn't been used in months. He wonders which one of them made the new one without him in it.

Sharon is the first to pull him into a hug, then Natasha follows suit. He gets a nod from Sam, a wave from Clint, and what might pass as a smile from Steve. Bucky stares so intensely that Tony can feel his eyes with his back turned, but when Tony looks his way, he pretends to be interested in the floor.

He had a plan before the ring threw him off. Step one should have been the entrance. Head held high, shoulders square, perfect outfit that shows everything off and compliments the Malibu tan he has now. Step two should be nonchalance. A light hearted greeting to everyone, accompanied by an easy grin and relaxed body language, and catching up with subtle brags slipped in. Show them all that he's doing better than he ever was, sitting on top of the world these days, even if most of the time it feels like he's barely above rock bottom.

Step three in his ideal scenario involved Bucky breaking down and begging to get him back. Some versions even had him on his knees for it, with tears running down his face. Others required it to be raining outside, and the cloudless sky ruined that before the ring on Bucky's finger did.

With steps one and three out the window, he tries to salvage step two.

“Hey,” Tony starts, a little too loud. He swallows the lump in his throat and tries again, “Hey, Bucky. It's good to see you.”

Bucky nods, a strained, jerky motion. “Yeah, you too. How, uh, how have you been?”

“Good. Really good, actually. Company just had its highest sales quarter yet, so it’s been a little crazy around there, but good.”

“Good,” Bucky repeats, and there’s a long awkward pause.

“And what about you?” Tony asks, and then because he can’t help himself, he adds, “I see you got engaged. Or, hell, I guess it could be married, even.”

Bucky freezes with parted lips and wide eyes for the briefest of moments, like he wasn’t expecting Tony to know about it or bring it up, and his eyes shift to the ring on his hand and stay there.

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “Engaged. Last week.”

Tony ignores the ache in his chest and plasters on a smile like he’s happy for him. “Congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t know him. Steve introduced us. They work together.”

“So he’s at the museum then? I thought you used to say that you hated all those stuffy guys and Steve was the only one worth knowing.”

Bucky smiles, a fond thing that widens the crack in Tony’s heart. “Yeah, well, I guess I was wrong. Felix is a great guy.”

Tony resists the urge to roll his eyes. Stupid name that probably matches a stupid, punchable face.

Some masochist thing pulls at him to make him keep digging for more information, a twisted need to know even as each word pushes the knife in deeper. He aims for casual, leaning back against one of the high top tables as he asks, “So how long have you been together?”

“Just a couple of months. Kind of fast, I know, but when you’re sure about something, it doesn’t really matter, right? Why waste time waiting?”

“Right, of course,” Tony says, a little flatter than he intends. “So why isn’t he here tonight? Hope it wasn’t to spare my feelings, because it’s really not necessary.”

Bucky falters, “It’s not? You, uh, you’re dating someone, then?”

Tony nods, and he wishes he had grabbed a drink before this so he could hide behind it as he lies through his teeth. “Only a few weeks, though. A little too early to be a wedding date, but I’m sure your guy will be there tomorrow right?”

“Oh, um, yeah, definitely. Why wouldn’t he be, right? There’s no reason I can think of,” Bucky says, stumbling around it. “But tell me more about your thing. Your person. How’s that going?”

Tony shrugs, and he finally pulls off that easy smile he’s been trying for. “Well, it’s not get engaged in a couple of months good, but it’s been really great. We’re taking it slow. Trying not to rush anything and just get to know each other first. I think it could really be something, though.”

“That’s good,” Bucky mumbles. “You deserve something good.”

He isn’t meeting Tony’s eyes anymore, almost like he’s upset that Tony moved on, and the vindictive part of Tony wants to be happy about it, but another part wants to be angry because it isn’t fair. It’s not fair to act like Tony should stay stuck in time, forever longing for him when he already moved on with someone else first. It’s hypocritical and selfish, even if Tony is lying about there being anyone else.

“Well, I’m gonna go get a drink,” Tony says, pushing down every feeling. “Should catch up with everyone else, too, while I’m at it. I’ll talk to you later.”

He heads over to the bar and isn’t surprised when Sharon joins him a moment later, right after he orders a double shot of whiskey. She puts an arm around his shoulder and asks, “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Tony laughs, running a hand through his hair. “My ex is engaged to somebody else and apparently doing really fucking well. Meanwhile, I’m making up fake boyfriends that I’m taking it slow with, because last week I went on my first real date in eight months and cried in the bathroom in the middle of it. And then, at the end of the night, he literally told me to my face that he didn’t think a second date was a good idea. We weren’t even talking about it, Sharon. He said it unprompted when we were still ten minutes from his apartment, and I was driving.”

Sharon nods slowly as she processes the rant. “He told you he got engaged?”

“Yeah, thanks for not telling me, by the way. It was really fun to get blindsided by it.”

She ignores the complaint to ask, “What else did he tell you, exactly?”

“Oh, just the whole line about how you know when you know, and Felix is such a great guy, and all that bullshit.”

“Felix,” Sharon repeats.

Tony knocks back the rest of his drink and orders another. “Please tell me he’s not better looking than me. Tell me it’s a downgrade. Don’t lie, because I know I have to meet him tomorrow, but please give me something that will make this better.”

“Well, I can guarantee he’s not as attractive as you. But he’s a little too perfect, you know? Like how could this guy possibly be real, he’s so unbelievably perfect,” Sharon says.

“I told you to make me feel better, not worse.”

Sharon shakes her head with a smile, the arm around him tightening into an approximation of hug. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I don’t think they’re going to last. He’s kind of flaky, too. Always cancelling at the last minute and all that. Bet he won’t even show tomorrow.”

The amusement on her face that she’s failing to hide confuses him. He’s starting to feel bad, though, for making the night about him when it should be about her and Nat.

Resolving not to dwell on it anymore, he squeezes the hand on his shoulder and says, “Alright, enough sad drinking, and definitely enough about me. We’re celebrating you and Nat and a lifetime of sickeningly wonderful happiness for both of you.”

Sharon grins, “Hell yeah, we are.”

“Shots?”

“Is that even a question?”

_____________

He wakes up with a headache and hazy memories. Shots of tequila that turned into shots of vodka when Nat got involved, then Clint’s terrible suggestion to try a shot of every liquor they had to offer. He vaguely remembers the round of toasts and drunken impromptu speeches from everyone, locking eyes with Bucky and failing to look away on both their parts. There’s a blur of wandering hands and heated, messy kisses. A bathroom stall turned into a cab ride which turned into his hotel room. He knows what he’ll find next to him when he opens his eyes, and guilt comes in full force.

“I know you’re awake,” Bucky says, voice still rough with sleep. It used to be Tony’s favorite sound in the world. “And I know we’re both sorry about what happened, but pretending to be asleep isn’t fixing nothin’.”

Tony shifts over to his back, and if there was any question before about what happened between them, the all too familiar ache in his body would answer it. He stares up at the ceiling to avoid the acres of bare skin on display next to him.

“You should probably leave,” Tony says to the walls. “I’m sure your fiancé is wondering where you are.”

“I doubt it.”

Tony puts an arm over his eyes, partly to block out the light that makes them ache and partly to hide his face. “Just go, okay? It was a mistake, and it won’t happen again, and we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Was it a mistake?” Bucky asks. “It didn’t feel like one to me.”

He doesn’t answer, and it’s soft and broken when Bucky says his name. Too much for him to handle.

Tony pushes back the blankets and searches for Bucky’s clothes in the mess they’ve made. He finds the shirt first and throws it at him. “You’re engaged, which means it was a mistake.”

His boxers are on the back of the couch, jeans right in front of the door, and they join the pile on Bucky’s lap. “You promised the rest of your life to somebody else, and I’m pretty sure fidelity is supposed to go with that.”

He tosses a shoe in the general direction of the bed, and it hits the nightstand with a loud thud. The second shoe is still in his hand when Bucky gets up and walks over to him, taking it and letting it drop to the floor.

His eyes hold a level of intensity that Tony has spent months dreaming about, and Tony couldn’t look away or move from this spot even if he tried.

“Felix isn’t real,” Bucky says. “I made him up when you asked, because I didn’t want to tell you the truth that I haven’t moved on in the slightest. That I’m so pathetic that I’ve spent the last eight months wearing an engagement ring that I bought for a guy who doesn’t love me anymore because I don’t know how to let him go.”

Tony stops breathing. “What?”

Bucky slides the ring from his finger, holding it between them so Tony can see the inscription. Always yours. He can’t remember the last time he heard the words get spoken.

“When?” Tony asks hoarsely. “When did you get that and why didn’t you ever ask me?”

“About a year ago,” Bucky says, slipping it back on his own finger. He sits back on the edge of the bed and stares down at it, twisting it around. “I thought about doing it on your birthday, but Nat and Sharon had just gotten engaged the week before and I didn’t want to take anything away from them. You were working a lot of late nights after that, and I thought it would be better to wait until things slowed down. You were so tired all the time, and you deserved a better proposal than when you’re falling asleep in the middle of dinner. It never slowed down, though. And then you got that big promotion and somehow we fell apart instead. If I’m honest, I still don’t really know how. One minute I’m getting ready to come with you, and the next you’re telling me not to bother.”

Tony sits down next to him, shoulders touching, and he pulls Bucky’s left hand into his. “You didn’t really want to go.”

“That’s not true,” Bucky says, but Tony shakes his head.

“All you talked about was how much you would miss New York. How much you’d miss your friends and your family and your job. Every day, everywhere we went. Even the fucking hot dog stands got sonnets about them. It really didn’t take a genius to figure out that you weren’t exactly looking forward to leaving.”

“I still would have gone for you,” Bucky argues. “I told you I would go anywhere with you, if it was what you wanted.”

“And then what? You move with me, and you’re miserable all the time, because my job never slows down so I’m still not around as much as you want, except now it’s compounded because you’re in a city that you hate with no one else that you know. You resent me for making you go, and the outcome is the same in the end either way.”

“Or I move with you, and I finally ask you to marry me like I’ve wanted to since almost the day we met. I find new friends and a new job, and even if it’s not perfect, it’s still worth it because at the end of the day I have a husband coming home to me.”

Tony runs his thumb over the ring and murmurs, “I wanted you to be happy. I didn’t think I could do that for you anymore.”

Bucky cups his cheek, tilting his head up to meet his eyes. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but baby, you’re an idiot.”

“Oh, thanks,” Tony laughs.

“You’re my idiot, if that helps.”

Tony smiles, still fragile but growing more hopeful. “Am I?”

“Always have been,” Bucky says. “Always will be if you stop assuming I’m going to leave you all the time. Let me decide for myself what I’m willing to sacrifice for us.”

Tony nods slowly, then says, “I’m sorry for ending it like that.”

“I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to.”

Tony climbs into his lap, circling his arms around his neck, and Bucky pulls him in closer with his hands on Tony’s hips. The ring is strange to feel against his skin, but also completely right. He wants it to stay there and to mean what it was always supposed to. Wants one of his own to match.

“We can fix it, right? We can be us again?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky says, and Tony’s heart sinks for just a moment. “Is your boyfriend as real as my fiancé?”

Tony laughs again in relief, “Yeah, they’d be a good pair.”

“I knew you had to be lying. You’ve never taken it slow in your life,” Bucky grins.

“Do you want me to start now?”

Bucky flips them over in one fluid motion, and he kisses up his throat as he murmurs, “Absolutely not.”

[uwurakax]

boy, i need you ♡

pairing: akaashi x reader ♡

genre: angst // cheating // minimal swearing // suggestive (not explicit) ♡

summary: he knew it was wrong, every fibre of his being told him it needed to end with you. so why couldn’t he bring himself to do it? ♡

♡ sequel to ‘boy, i hate you’ - read the first part here ♡

word count: 2k ♡

author’s note: warning, not proofread or anything! wasn’t planning on part 2, but then it was brought up and i thought “hey i can work w a 2nd pt”. reader has no gender mentioned - but again ig default fem if theres vibes here? idk. also have a note at the end so there’s no spoilers here haha. excuse the crappy writing as always - my 2am brain refuses to work at any other time ty for coming to my tedtalk that no one cares about ✌️ ♡

♡ (inspired by f.u by little mix) ♡

unfaithful

/ʌnˈfeɪθfʊl,ʌnˈfeɪθf(ə)l/

adjective

1. engaging in intimate relations with a person other than one’s regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Akaashi couldn’t say exactly why his infidelity started. Honestly there was nothing inherently wrong with your relationship. You were amazing, loyal, kind and everything he could ever want in a partner. He supposed at one point he was like that to you. Not anymore though. He could never be like that ever again. Not when he found comfort in the arms of another. Another that wasn’t you.

Akaashi knew it was wrong. Wholeheartedly he wanted to free you of the unforgivable. Did he take advantage of your sweet behaviour? Deep down inside, he knew he was. The cheap thrill of loving somebody else while you waited patiently for him back at home. Back at the home the both of you had made together. The home that he had inadvertently tainted with the presence of another. 

This is the last time.

How many times would he tell himself that? That the momentary pleasure he got from her was just that. That he’d stop before it went too far. 

Over a year later was already beyond what was classified as ‘too far’.

He couldn’t kid himself into thinking it was just a brief lapse in judgement anymore. Not when he didn’t stop. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to you in the slightest. How could he do that? To the one he promised to love. The one to always be there for you, care for you. To do everything a good boyfriend should do. 

To never, ever be the reason for your tears.

He knew he didn’t have the right to feel this way. It was selfish. Completely and utterly selfish. But when he’d come home and find you there waiting for him, while he was whispering sweet nothings, words that should’ve only been reserved for you, to somebody else just minutes prior, he couldn’t help but feel his heart ache. Akaashi, ever so observant, noticed that you stopped faking your smile. He remembers the first time he saw it. 

5 months after his unfaithfulness began, something he swore that’d happen just once, he saw the look on your face. The warm smile you had greeted him with just earlier that morning before he left, was now gone. This smile wasn’t as bright, and the shine didn’t reach your eyes. He didn’t like this smile. It was beautiful of course, because it was from you, but he didn’t like how fake it was. You had given him some half-assed excuse.

“I’m just a little tired Keiji”

He knew you too well. Knew you were lying to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to press on further. Day after day, your smile continued to drop. Further and further, until it was some terrible imitation of the one he had fallen in love with years ago. No matter how much you tried to hide it, he would always notice the slight redness in the whites of your eyes. Dark and puffy under-eyes that you tried desperately to conceal. The tone of your voice, no longer lively and cheerful. He supposed after a year, you just didn’t want to pretend to be okay anymore. 

This will be the last time.

He’d break it off with you. His silent promises to spare you from anymore pain. The guilt ate away at him, feeling the nausea rise in his stomach. You deserved someone better than him, someone who would treat you the way you should be treated. He used to be that guy. Where did that man go? What happened to him? He supposed he didn’t have the right to be that person anymore.

He was always so tense thinking on what to say to you. On how to finally admit his wrongdoings. Whether you knew of his actions behind your back, finally voicing them out would be the nail in the coffin. The confirmation that he was indeed doing the things that you were suspecting him of. Perhaps thats why you could never ask or actually push forward with it.

Because even if you knew, with great certainty, you could deceive yourself into thinking he was still the boy you had fallen in love with all those years ago.

Akaashi only received a fleeting moment of peace from his thoughts of you when she was around. He absolutely despised it. It was despicable how he could find a sense of safety in her arms. It should’ve been you, only you. It was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong, and yet he couldn’t help but think it felt right. It was wicked and evil, there was no other way to put it. Her hands. Her kisses. Her touch. All the moments with her made him forget about you, if only for a brief period. The gentle feel and traces of her were like invisible tattoos, covering all the places you had marked, kissed and touched.

It was all just too intoxicating for him. From her silky smooth hair to the softness of her skin. However, when he ran his fingers all over her body, he couldn’t help but think of you. God he was pathetic. So, so badly he knew it was wrong. He already had you, had your love, had everything you had to give. So why would he run for comfort to her, only to end up wishing it was you instead? It didn’t make sense, and he couldn’t understand it at all.

“Keiji, why don’t you stay the night?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry”

“It can’t keep going on like this. You guys should break up. Then you wouldn’t have to keep going back there, and then you can finally stay here with me. Isn’t that what you want?”

No, it wasn’t. It was probably the reason why he’d never stay over with her. Because he always wanted to come home to you. If he didn’t want to stay with her, if he didn’t sleep in the same bed with her, if he didn’t want to hold her hand - everything he wanted to do with you - why did he still do it? Why! Why! Why! It constantly plagued his mind. He was just selfish.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

And so, Akaashi sat in his car, with his grip on the steering wheel, thinking of the words to say. He knew he needed to be delicate, but firm. To the point, but not blunt. ‘This will be the last time’, he says to himself. The last time he thinks of the words to say. The last time he sits in his car contemplating about everything. The last time he has to hurt you. He’ll let you go, let you cry, even let you throw any object in reach to let out your frustrations on him. Just as long as he didn’t have to hurt you anymore. With a shaky breath, he unlocks the car door and steadies himself. He makes his way to house you both shared, hand on the handle as he closes his eyes. It’s time to face the music.

He quietly opens and closes the door behind him, setting his belongings on the dark oak table sat next to the door. He hears you in the kitchen, your feet padding around on the tiled floor. He makes his way there and freezes. You’re slaving away in a large t-shirt and shorts just a bit too big for you. They’re his without a doubt. You hear his shoes clicking against the floor and turn around to face him.

“Welcome home Keiji”

He hated that the gleam in your eyes was gone, and that your lips had to form a smile way too forced. He hated what he had done to you.

“I’m making your favourite, it should be ready in about 10 minutes”

With that, Akaashi loses all composure. He steps forward, his long legs carrying himself towards the stove top, situating himself behind you. He reaches around to turn it off, and moves the pot to the next hotplate. You turn around to question him, only to end up surprised at how close he was. You’re flustered, and he can easily tell how nervous you are at the way your eyes dart at anywhere else but him.

The temperatures rising in your body, and you swear that Akaashi can feel it steaming out of you. He closes the distance quickly, and soon enough your tongues are fighting for dominance against each other. He was in such bliss, it was like your lips were moulded to be with his. In moments like this he could forget. When your touch covered the traces of her. When your taste overwhelmed hers. He wanted you imprinted on him again. But he knew, knew that soon enough, he’d wash it away with his mistress. A continuous cycle of you and her. Disgustingly selfish.

This will be the last time.

The last time he takes your hand. The last time he has the pleasure of kissing you. The last time he undresses you. He takes his time, drinking in your form under the moonlight. Not even the darkness could overshadow your light. He knows you do the same, your eyes focused on him now. You push him forward so he falls back on the plush mattress. Why would he ever think about anyone else? He knew this had to be the last. The last time he’d let his eyes fall over you. He needed to save these moments in his head so he’d never forget.

The last luxury he’d have of you.

So he’d soak it all in, ingrain it forever. He needed to remember it vividly so he could look back. Look back at the idiot he was for ever hurting you in this way. He didn’t deserve you in the slightest. He thought that if he could capture every last detail, it could be the least of his karma. To miss what he took for granted.

How many times had he thought that himself?

And at the end of it all, he’ll just lay there. In the bittersweet afterglow of the love you two had shared. He’ll close his eyes and prepare himself to lose it all. Lose you. You think he’s asleep as he’s so still and his breathing so even. You’ll comb your fingers through his hair, just like you always do, and mumble quietly about your devotion to him.

“I love you, so much Keiji”

You pray he doesn’t hear you, but he does. As clear as day, you whisper confessions of love and admiration for him. He knows he doesn’t deserve it. Not in the slightest, not at all.

But the gentle kiss you place on his lips has him reeling, and his resolve cracks. He can’t do it, because he’s just that selfish. He knows that in the end, it won’t be the last time. He’ll go through it all again. The guilt will eat him alive. The feel of bile on the tip of his tongue no longer phasing him - he’s gotten used to the taste. He’ll break your trust, again and again, and then carelessly attempt to put the pieces back together, just to shatter them more. It’s cruel, he knows this. He wishes you’d just insult him. Cuss him out. Do anything, but show him love over and over. He loves you, he truly does, and he knows how horrific it is to do this to somebody you claim to love. He just wants you to hurt him, tell him what a disgusting asshole he is, how he’s a piece of shit, a waste of space. Any and everything you can think of.

But you don’t.

And while you continue to show him affection, he’ll drown in the abyss of despair that he, himself put him in. Because during these moments he could pretend that you actually loved him. That you didn’t know of his cheating ways. That he wasn’t touching you with the same hands that held someone else.

So tomorrow it’ll all start over, and the cycle will continue. He’ll keep on breaking your heart, and you’ll both pretend to be okay with it. No matter how many times he told himself it would be the last.

He hoped that one day he wouldn’t be such a coward. That he would finally cut the strings that tied you both together and just end it. Akaashi knew it was wrong, but he was just that selfish and hypocritical.

extra: IM SORRY! i know this probably wasn’t the part 2 that was wanted but 🤟😭 i couldn’t help myself! pls give any akaashi merch hugs and kithes 🥺🥺 my friend told me this mad him mad at him (i was going for sad, so im sorry if you get angry 😭) 💕✨ tysm if you read it 💝

[padfootastic]

Hi! I have many things to tell you! That snippet of James and Sirius "you'll always have me." "That'll never happen." I'm gonna make it sad and tell you about how I thought of Sirius thinking or screaming this at James when he dies 'You promised!' (or we can gladly pretend that James doesn't die, that works very well for me) Then your 'babe' with Harry and Sirius that's so sweet and I love it. I recently read a fic where it used 'babe' casually too, in a 'sure/okay babe' way and I have fallen in love. Then I have this thought from another fic where Sirius does this calming gesture of running his thumb or finger from the bridge of Harry's nose around to his cheek and it was just such a sweet gesture that I had to gush about it to somebody you would get it! Cause Sirius would totally do this, anytime Harry needed calming or safety or more love. It would be so soft. Thanks for writing what write!!

the paper bag has made yet another return today.

no but this is so sweet 🥺😭 thank u sm for reading and liking and sharing this!!! it means the world to me 💜 (edit: just saw that ur fOGYYdREAM? i love ur comments on my fics so much!!!! 😳)

ahhh the babe thing was and will always be @greyeyedmonster-18 that i absorbed into my stuff through osmosis (i’m trying to extend that to her other skills…like writing and causing emotional damage too but shh)

ok no but ur onto something there w the angst?? i can’t imagine him screaming it at james’ dead body bc he’ll probably go into numb shock in the moment but azkaban is ripe for such things. i’m thinking around his bday (bc poor baby was literally in prison on the day of) bc it hasn’t been long enough for the psych torture to really start, the memories are still fresh and stinging, and he wakes up - forgetting for a second - expecting james to bounce on his bed and wake him up with a massive smile on his face. when that doesn’t happen, well. that’s really what breaks him in those early days bc it just cements the fact that his jamie isn’t there anymore and that’s when you have him moving to like, screaming into the ceiling sort of anger. just ‘you promised you’ll always be there. i told you, i told you this would happen but no, james fucking potter is never wrong, is he? said he’ll always be there. well. where are you now, you bastard? huh?’ until his voice gives out and his throat is sore but the emptiness in his chest hasn’t lessened.

so, uh. yeah. that. (did u purposefully put the fluff after the angst as balm? bc smart) the rubbing a finger across his face thing is so cute oh my god pls. idk if anyone’s noticed but i like habits that pass down generations a lot lot (and i hc that james taught sirius most everything about love & affection and open displays of them, along with the potters being a loving bunch) so now i’m imagining james subconsciously doing that for sirius as a tangible way to sense him, know he’s there, bring him back to j when he’s lost in his thoughts—anything. and sirius picked up on that and does it to harry (also a fan of sirius passing on family traditions james didn’t get a chance to. the burden i put on this poor man lol) because he is all about that love & reassurance 🥺

pls dont ever hesitate in dropping by if u see something cute (or sad? 🤔) again, i love it sm!!! we all deserve more h&s fluff in our lives <3

[pettyprocrastination]

Introductions Hc for Catfish x CamGirl!Reader

Just some basic hc on how you two met. Also yes the cam girl in this is a goth babe because I love goth women so so much. 

Warnings: uhhh poor descriptions of light smut?? sex work. We support sex workers in this house baby!!! Also sweet sweet frankie who we all need a hug from during these trying times. 

Taglist: @cinewhore​ i honestly can’t remember who’s on my perm tag list im gonna have to do a post for that as well fuck SORRY 

I actually had a lot of fun writing these so if you want to know more about frankie and BB (which will be her nickname for now) please hmu!!!

You and frankie don’t meet in person at first. He meets you through your (side)job, Which is doing online shows using (insert obligatory porn site here or onlyfans idk)

It’s late at night, frankie is home alone and scrolling through a site using the incognito mode on his phone. Nothing is doing it for him that night. Not that he’s particularly desensitized to sex, no. It’s quite the opposite. He’s so sick and tired of seeing the words “stepdaddy” and “unsuspecting” in the same sentence so many times it’s causing him to lose not only his hard-on but also his faith in humanity. 

He sees the option for live shows, thinks about it for a moment before saying fuck it why not and clicking the link that brings him to a page with photos covers of multiple scantily clad (if covered at all) women that were live. 

His own username was something simple, nothing with his name or nickname. Just Pilot368, because lord knows he wasn’t about to be one of the studs who had usernames like Pussydestroyer or CockKing6000.

He’d never watched live shows before, that brought a different element into it all. The sort of...welcomed voyeurism that he wasn’t sure how he felt about. Maybe he was overthinking it all, or maybe it just wasn’t his cup of tea until you showed up just under a girl wearing a pink dog collar. 

You were….not his usual tastes, to put it simply. 

The picture promoting your page was you sitting in a lacy black set up, thin lace frills framing your soft thighs and the slope of your breasts. You sat with your legs spread and tongue slipping past your black-painted lips. Between your legs sat a (he was assuming fake) skull that you held with curled fingers. 

Your Username was 🖤🦇BabyBat🦇🖤and frankie felt like a pervert for the way his cock throbbed. 

But he was alone, and he was horny. So he swallowed that self-loathing if only long enough for him to wrap his hand around his cock while your stream played. 

He thought you were pretty in the picture, but on live video? Watching you move yourself up and down on a toy while throwing your head back with breathless little whimpers and moans? Oh he’s a dead man. 

Comments came in a steady stream, many of which were calling you derogatory terms or telling you to move a certain way and some even suggested you alter certain things about your body. 

The first time he himself commented he over analyzed it for about five minutes. He didn’t want to say anything too lewd, even as you fucked yourself on a toy right before his eyes, he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or insecure. So, God bless his heart, frankie left a comment on a live video of you literally fucking yourself about how he thought your tattoo was “very cool.”

The moment he pressed enter he immediately wanted to shoot himself. “Very cool”? THAT’S the best he could come up with? He could just hear pope flaming his ass for it.

But he saw your face as you read the comment, and the smile that grew at it. 

You laughed, one that reached your eyes and made frankie feel filthy about stroking his cock to it. “Oh thank you!” You let one hand trail down your stomach until your fingers found your clit and you arched your back, taking your bottom lip between your teeth as you looked at the camera. 

“You're too sweet to me honey.”

Maybe it was the slight shake in your thighs as you rode the toy, or the way you never look away from the camera, and in turn from him, or maybe the way your voice, rich and dark and smooth, would raise into a little whine as you neared your end, but it pushed him over the edge, falling into hot waves of pleasure that ebbed and flowed as he came into his fist and imagined that it was you. 

The moment he sobered up, and realized it wasn’t in fact you, but he was simply alone in his room, late at night, he huffed. 

Boy, he really is a charmer. 

Frankie made haste to clean himself up and exit the browser without a second thought before trudging into bed and letting his eyes shut. When he woke up your moans echoed in his head while he made coffee. The sight of your soft, bare chest flashed in his mind while he had a pleasant conversation with the mailman about how the weather had been sweltering all week. The image of your sweet smile at his words played through his head all day at work like a sick taunt.

That night after dinner he lays in bed, scrolling through page after page of results on his phone in frustration because he can’t remember your goddamn username. 

It’s almost an hour of searching when he almost gives up because now the search is just getting a little sad. 

It shouldn’t matter that much to him. You're just a cam girl. Not somebody he knew personally, not a lover or a girlfriend. He’s about to close out when he sees your username and doesn’t think before he clicks on it. 

Your shirt is pushed up your chest and your hand is sliding under the elastic band of your panties when you see his username pop up and you smile. 

“Happy to see you back flyboy! I was starting to miss you.”

Frankie swears he won’t make a habit of watching you, but he breaks that promise when he clicks the follow button before falling asleep.

[matan4il]

Ive read all ur buddie meta and they are soo on point. I cant thnk u enough.

Anyway, there is something i noticed when watching gifs of Eddie giving advice, or compliments etc in this season is that, Eddie is a man of action (we all know that) yet, with Buck, he gives advice, gives compliments, basically he TALKS to Buck. On the other hand, Buck who is a talker, who doesnt mind speaking his mind and his feelings (tho he hides stuff alot anyway), he gives his support and help by doing stuff for Eddie. I know this is has been mentioned before (idk if it was ur meta or somebody else's)

I cant help but notice that the writers really hone in on that with all the Eddie's talks with Buck and Buck getting Eddie an expensive coffeemaker he wanted as a prank in disguise.

I dont if any of this makes sense but yeah

OMG! ;_; Thank you so much, you have no idea how happy it makes me that my insane ramblings actually bring people joy! *HUGS*

Oh it definitely does make sense. I think in the past, the one bit of meta I wrote that sort of touches upon this is the one about what Eddie has done for Buck.

I believe a key note in what you bring up is the question, when does Eddie turn to words with Buck? For the most part, he does try actions first. If you think of 301, for example, he tries getting Buck out of his funk by doing. By pulling him out of bed, bringing Chris over (reminding Buck he’s not alone and he still has them, that he has meaning in relation to them even when he isn’t a firefighter) and giving Buck a task (a sense of purpose). And it actually works! Buck’s out of bed and he’s having a good time with Chris. Is everything resolved? No. But his time and talk on the pier with Chris in 301 at least suggest that he can start picking up the pieces and move on.

That is, right up until the tsunami hits, when Buck ends up feeling like he’s failed both Eddie and his son. Well, at the end of ep 303, Eddie comes over with basically a rehash of the same idea on how to help Buck (still through action), only this time, Buck speaks up and makes it clear that he can’t, that he feels like he’s failed them, so how can Eddie even consider doing this? And that is when Eddie turns to words.

And I think that’s beautiful, because it is a testament that it’s not easy or the natural course of action for Eddie to use words in order to help Buck. But he does it anyway, when he recognizes actions are simply not enough. He transcends his own comfort zone. That’s not something you do for just anyone and I believe we only really see him do it for Buck and Chris. *heart eyes*

As for Buck, I feel like he’s more of a mixed bag. He’s way more comfortable with using words than Eddie, that’s true, but he also at times has no issue resorting to actions. Think of him doing his best to help Red through two different courses of action (first, to help him find his ex fiancee, and later to bring all his old teammates to him).

So what’s striking to me about Buck isn’t that he resorts to action to help Eddie, it’s the speed, comfort and intensity with which he immerses himself in taking actions to help Eddie (and Chris), stepping into their little bubble with them. With Abby, if you remember, he hesitated about it. A lot. Enough to think about breaking up with her. And when he did finally step up? It was because Bobby told him to. He ended up doing it for Abby, yes, but also for Bobby and for himself, to grow and become the kind of person Bobby deemed ‘worthy’. But with Eddie? He didn’t need to be told and he wasn’t doing it for anyone but Eddie. You can see it even before he’s met Chris once: throughout ep 202 Buck is already preoccupied with how to make Eddie feel better about his son’s well-being during the earthquake. Later on, he’s only going to be thinking even more about these two and how to help them. With Abby, he made a conscious decision to evolve. With Eddie, he was simply so drawn in, he never considered another option.

This right here. This is why these two slay me. Thank you again for this great ask and please always feel free to send me your thoughts! xoxoxox

[newswcanonprompts]

Urban magic SW AU

(again, direct quotes)

(also, poster’s note: how would the clones tie into this AU? very interesting. also, i want art for this, that’d be so badass i feel like. unfortunately I can’t draw for shit so... idk i’ll just dream about it. sorry, anyways, BACK TO THIS)

I just read ‘domestic’ as ‘demonic’ and thought this was a very different conversation.

Anakin is a demon obi-wan summoned after fostering a kid because he can't cook.

Imagine being so bad at cooking your first instinct is to summon a demon to do it for you rather than like, buy a cookbook.

“Okay you summoned me what do you want me to do”                         

“Oh my god please cook, I am taking care of a child who needs protein and is allergic to soy and I haven’t cooked or eaten meat in two decades please help me”

“You know I'm a flexitarian who gets my protein from soy and bugs, right?”

“Oh my god i'm doomed!”

Vader, dark, looming shadow, eyes like molten gold:  “wHy dId yOU SUmmON mE?”                                                                                                    

Obi-Wan, cursing: “Oh fuck, I, uh, was trying for minor deity of ah, home keeping. uhm. Is your name Anakin? I just need somebody who can cook for my kid.”

Insert Vader's form shifting.                                                                    

Anakin: “Oh gosh finally somebody who doesn't want blood!”

Obi-Wan: “Do you just have split personalities or something?”

Anakin: “Do you want my life story or do you want me to cook for you?”

Obi-Wan: "Can you multitask?"

A family can be a local demonology professor and alchemist, a witch in the making and technically a prince of hell with a backstory that needs unlocking.

Can this also be a “pretending to be married” au cause I need someone to show up and be like “Obi-Wan who is this nice man?

"This is definitely not a demon uhhhhh. This is, thIS IS MY HUSBAND!!!!!” 

anakin: o.O

And Vader would always tease him about it, but sticks around anyway because he doesn’t want to go back to his demon master.

If this is an AU where summoning demons is normal, Obi-Wan would be more embarrassed about his reason for summoning, so he pretends the demon is his husband to hide the fact that he summoned for cooking help.

Maybe his dad Qui-Gon is a professional chef and puts a lot of pressure on him to be a good cook?

I don’t know,  maybe not Qui-Gon but having that pressure. RATATOUILLE! VADER IS REMY! BUT VADER IS NOT A RAT BECAUSE WE ARE NOT MAKING A BEE MOVIE EDIT OF THIS!

Obi-Wan: “ Look, my mentor and I already argue over the fact that I chose to abandon divination for alchemy, I do not need him learning of my abysmal cooking!”

Anakin being a wonderful "wife" and just a great person. Then Obi-Wan gets threatened. Tells Obi-Wan to go somewhere and Vader just slaughters the threat.

I'm absolutely imagining the kid Obi-Wan’s taking care of is baby Luke, maybe he was taken from Vader as a baby and Obi-Wan found him? THAT'S gonna introduce some tension between him and Vader!

Anakin, staring at Luke: “Where did you find him?” 

Obi-Wan: “On the street somewhere? Why?”

Anakin, preparing to go fight Sidious: “I need to kill a demon.”

WAIT, DOES THIS MAKE BABY LUKE HALF DEMON? How about half-angel instead?

No wonder he needs so much protein! Luke's diet has been all over the place in the past 4 months.

I think it's hilarious if Luke is half demon but stays the ray of sunshine we all know and love. Like yeah you go Luke, break those stereotypes!

Wait, where Padme is this?

Padmé hmm.... how about Vaderkin's previous summoner? And then Sidious Happened™️.

She is the person who summoned Vaderkin for similar reasons to Obi-Wan, then they fell in love, and had Luke (and Leia)

and Sidious happened, but Vaderkin didn't now, and.......

Sidious happened first and turned Anakin who was some,,, idk weird local deity/spirit into Vader and when he escaped:

he met Padmé, a talented magician who tried to fix it and make him Anakin again, which,,,, didn't really work.

It only cut his tie to Sidious so he's not holding the leash anymore.

Other side effects are the creation of Luke & Leia.

Which are basically the residue magic given form, hence them both being half and half.

And Vaderkin sort of disappeared in the whole mess so Padmé, injured but alive, grabbed the kids and ran, later hid Luke with Obi-Wan, Leia with Bail & Breha while now attempting to take down Sidious.

And Padmé thinks anakin actually died in the process.So we can have the whole family AND badass Padmé!

And then Obi-Wan just finds baby!Luke and takes care of him and summons Anakin without  knowing that Anakin is Luke's father...

Which would make Padmé checking in on Obi-Wan and Luke a lot more hilarious if Anakin just opens the door.

(Oh boy when Padmé finds out about Obi-Wan's fake marriage to Anakin that's gonna be some CONFUSION!)

Okay okay okay, so Palpatine is the dean of the college Obi-Wan teaches at and has been refusing to give him tenure or a promotion or any good class for like five years.

I really want Anakin to be like a deity until Sidious dragged him down to hell. So Obi-Wan summons Anakin under his original deity name because he wants to cook and is surprised to get a demon.

Obi-Wan: “So you're anakin... and vader?”

Vaderkin: “Yeah”

Obi-Wan, holding a crying toddler and not giving any fucks anymore: “You know what this checks out.”

Anakin was probably some form of God, because Chosen One you know?

I mean this ties in nicely with the origin of his name so like. Make him a God of fate, make him a creation of the universe itself.

Stardust runs in his veins, galaxies are born in his eyes, and all of that.

He was corrupted once Palpatine dug his claws and spilled golden ichor, tainting it the red of mortality, darkening to the unholy black blood of the underworld.

Oh yes!!!! So, the backstory:

He was stolen from his mother by Sidious, made a half-demon, then left and married Padmé, they had Luke and Leia.

Sidious trapped Anakin again and made him a full demon this time through the burning and lots of pain, he thinks he killed Padmé, but she is looking for him and trying to get him back but can't raise the twins

because she's trying to find their father and make him human again,

and he tried to kill  Padmé against his will, but she still believes in him.

Jedi are people who use the magic that create the demons and the gods to do good or something.

I mean Obi-Wan's still running around as a mortal.

Someone needs to wrangle these supernatural idiots and he's unfortunately the best person for the job.

If this is urban fantasy then Jedi could be the term for people that use magic

How about we tie this to the Fallen Angel Anakin, and have Anakin who was once a god, but was dragged down by Sidious